Hope and resolve

Do you know when the most lottery tickets get sold? The very next day after a big win. For a couple of quid folk get to buy a week of hope, daydream about a life changing event and how they'd change their lot. I think most people know the odds are stacked against them (it's pretty much the worst gamble you can do, throwing a dart blindfolded at a list of horses will be a better bet than the Lotto), but people do it anyway. They like the hope. 

In this first week in January, with our fresh diaries and clean slates, I think we all collectively do a pyschic Lotto in our heads. We dream of change and hope. How can I be better / nicer / successful in the year ahead? Some of us will even make new year's resolutions even though they've been proved to hardly ever work , are terrible if you're atoning for past sins, or trying to go sober . I like this collective endeavor though, more so even as our resolve is likely to crumble by the middle of the month and we'll be back on the sofa watching Netflix and eating chocolate. I like the fact that we all try and be optimistic about the forthcoming months even if past experience has proved otherwise. Life would be terrible without hope wouldn't it?

 I'm trying to generate some hope for the year to come. Even though I know I've got bad times ahead. Next week I'll be back in my consultant's office and we'll try to work out a plan for another attack on my cancer. I'm hoping for a longer break from chemo (I had it for 8 months of last year, and boy does it drag after a while). If we can find the source of the malevolent cells then I'll probably on for another round of radiotherapy. One cancer site was completely destroyed by it last time around so I know it does work. That gives me hope. As long as I keep responding even partially to treatment I'll keep going. 

In the meantime I've resolved to try and have as much fun as possible even in the midst of this hell. I'm spending money and time not on objects (I've far too much stuff as it is) and going out and doing things instead. I'm joining galleries and cinemas and planning to see gigs and shows with friends.I'm embarking on a big writing project which may eventually see the light of day. I'm resolving to live instead of just existing this year.