Sleep well tonight, tomorrow we fight.

What did you dream of last night? Was it a wonderful adventure? I dreamt of being the wrong side of my childhood town and all the buses were headed south out to the villages. That's chemotherapy for you. Just makes your sleeping moments as bizzare as your waking ones. At least it's better than last week when I dreamt of being a witness to some pretty horrible high speed car accidents.

Sleep is another big issue with having cancer. You can go from being up for days with insomnia to barely keeping an eye open during the day due to fatigue. I'm pretty big on the insomnia of late. Half of these posts were conceived and part written at 3am in the morning. On my last break from hospital I started online shopping in the middle of the night. This can be very dangerous if you have one click purchasing enabled.

Sleeping at night in hospital is virtually impossible for me. My blood pressure is taken every two to four hours. My intravenous bags get changed almost hourly. There is no peace, let there be peace as John Lennon once said. So I try and catch some naps during the day. This can work quite well until you forget that your dieticians are coming and you are meant to be eating or having another protein shake. 

One of the weirdest moments on discharge last time was entering my house and realising how quiet everything was. Hospital enures you to constant sound even though my recent deafness is trying to dampen that down somewhat. So that night it took me a while to sleep because there was no sounds around. 

Anyway I'm learning to get by each day in a half fog of tiredness and not quite awake-ness. If any of you have done shift work you will know the feeling. It's perfectly possible to spend the whole day like this. Basic functions can be performed while half of you is asleep. Just don't use machinery. So I'm spending my last week at Barts feeling like a zombie but at least I can see the end in sight now. Next Monday is still set to be my discharge day, as long as my haemoglobin and platelet levels are high enough by then. My fever and cough have thankfully abated now so things are looking up!


Currently I'm.... listening to poet Ian McMillan's The Verb podcast. Last week was all about catastrophic language...... Watching Guy Garvey and Judy Collins on Later with Jules...Reading all about #snooperscharter.