I still can't quite believe it. I know I've been told by my consultant that I don't need more treatment, but a part of me is still expecting a phone call saying they have it wrong and I need more chemo. Even today I was back at Barts for my blood test results, half expecting the worst. When I saw on the screen how well my red and white cell counts were, I was genuinely shocked. I think I've gone through too much in the past year to accept yet that the horror may be over. Like an episode of Game of Thrones, someplace sometime something horrible is going to take place.
Saying all that, it hasn't stopped me celebrating this week. Wednesday I took a day trip back to the shires to see my family. As my sister was down from her home in Scotland it was a very rare moment of the whole family together. Like a Smiths reunion something that should happen but very unlikely in practice. Then on return to London, we had a big house meal with champagne. A fitting end to a good day.
On Thursday I went to a gig, my first in over a year. And what a great gig it was, John Grant at Hammersmith Apollo. He seemed genuinely happy to be there, and that vibe permeated through the set. I'm not sure if I enjoyed the music more or just the thrill of being out at a gig again, doing normal things like normal people. Also as most of the male portion of the crowd was 40ish and bald, no one batted an eyelid at my slaphead. I was in the majority, imagine! This morning saw a trip to the Speech clinic at Guy's. I was a little horse after the gig, but that didn't matter. I still have a left side palsy of the voice box following my heart surgery in February. So my speech consultant advised I could have an injection which will bring my voice box closer together. I asked if she could make me sound like Barry White, but I think that's beyond her capabilities.
I'm now planning the rest of this year, trying to see as many friends and family as possible. It's exciting to know I have the freedom to get on a train and have adventures again. I'm attempting Normal, it's a very strange feeling.
Currently I'm... Studying national rail timetables, trying to find ways of getting to everyone I want to see..Watching Josh, the new BBC3 sitcom by Josh Widdicombe.